I punish myself not other

I live hard and difficult, saw killing, injuring, destroying, robbing, injustice, corruption, discrimination, smuggling, puppy cultivation…

I just bear all the things, I did not do the same things, I just punished myself and I had to punished myself, because I saw killing of my relatives the close relatives, I saw my father killed by bullet in front of my eyes, I saw my mother died without food and weakness, she died only in a home that there were no one, all of us escaped because of war and brutal, all of us fled that we did not want to killing of our selves but my mother could not to flee. I always think my mother wanted to kill, no, it is not a good thought, my mother did not want but she could not, thinking of this case is so difficult for me without tearing I cannot get another result. But how my mother did not want to escape and be ready for dying, no it is not true she could not, she was old, weak and she died from lack of food, she died lonely…

I saw killing of children, boys, girls, men, women, and youth, old…

I did not want to be like killer, war lover, robber, destroyer…

I see all of them, all of people who are criminal, those who killed human, destroyed homes of poor people, they are in power, They are at TV that speak about justice, human rights, rule of law…

I am confuse from all, I gone judging, I do not want to be like who killed people, destroyed… and I do not want to be with them…I separated my way, I want to be only, I want to remove myself by drug I am edict, I just punish myself not other, not men, women, not young and old, not girls and boys, not children. But the difference between me and them are, I am bad people, edict no one like me… they are hero; all people like them, all people respect them…